so the sleeping in her room training has been going on for at least 3 months, but not succeeding very well. First i tried the softy-softy way… i put her to bed and read a book and said prayers with her and wait until she sleeps, while staying in the same bed… midnight wake up count: 2-4 times… crying & trying to get into mommy’s bed: 2-4 times. then we tried the above, but me sleeping on the floor. the idea is so that she knows her bed is only for her so when she wakes up in the middle of the night and i am not there she wont panic and stay in her bed….well that worked well, midnight wake up count: 2-4 times…crying & trying to get into mommy’s bed: 2-4 times sometimes even 5 times…. so then I tried being the ‘cruel mommy’, i told herif she keeps waking up and insisting on getting into my bed, i will lock my bedroom door so she couldnt come in…. that also didnt work very well, although for about 4 nights she managed to stay in her own bed through the night….

so i traced back what is it that is making mini me cant stick to her sleeping arrangement and i found a few things. first of all, i travel a lot, so by the time she gets into the habbit of staying in her bed, then i have to travel, which means grandma is here and she sleeps with grandma….. secondly, she also travels a bit, so after 2-3 weeks sleep training on her own, we both travel and during travel we sleep together which means training is back to square one….

but maybe, it is her way of reaching out to me and saying that she misses me and doesnt like me traveling a lot. so i figured she will be sleeping on her own when she’s ready, just enjoy the time that she still wants to sleep with me…in a few years she might not even want to be seen walking with me…..

In the first half of the year i have moved city,  started a new career, lived as ‘anak kost’ , pack my life in boxes and relocate it to bali, started diving again, bought a house, got ‘tested’ big time at work, made new friends and busted my ass to get settled in to the new career.

Later in the year i traveled (courtesy of my work ), fell in love, got ripped off by someone who i though was a good friend, moved my kid to Bali, witnessed her first day at school, learned a bit about marine conservation (i wish i’ve learned a lot more), reconnect with old friends, strengthened old friendship, be a mother and have my heart broken and some of my dreams crushed….

There are much more things that i want to do, and i shall do them…. I want to travel with my kid, more diving, explore the outdoors of Bali, visit an orphanage with my kid, exercise routinely and be a more effective leader at work, manage my money better….. Oh and 1 last wish: i shall meet some one who will share the same vision of life with me, who is good for me and my kid, who can make me a better person just as i will make him a better person and willing to work on us

2010 i have lived you to the fullest, 2011 i will do no less, bring on the challenges !!!

mimi, ibu, ibu boss, mbak, lil lady,  chika, chicky babe, bitch, evil, tante-tante, tante-tante gatel, strong leader, passionate, best friend, gutsy bitch, strong, independent, nekat, gila, heartless, nggak tegaan, bodoh, cengeng, sayang, cerewet, strongminded, item, jendes, devil, haters, galak, super galak, darling, strong,  empowered, darling, talkative…. gue lupa sisanya.

biarpun banyakan negative nya, but i am so glad that the very few positive words people use to describe me are those that describe the human qualities that i aspire to be …. hopefully in 2011 these words are still being used to describe me, the good, the bad and maybe not so much of the ugly words 

Semestinya lebih tepat kalau tanggal 22 December ini kita peringati sebagai hari kebangkitan perempuan Indonesia, titik awal dimana perempuan Indonesia bersetuju untuk menghapuskan segala bentuk diskriminasi dan ketidak adilan hanya karena mereka perempuan atau bahasa kerennya diskriminasi berbasis gender. PR nya masih banyak bangetttt untuk bangsa ini, khususnya pejuang kesetaraan gender. Ditingkat kebijakan, Komnas Perempuan mencatat 189 kebijakan diskriminatif antara 1999 dan 2010: 80 diantaranya secara langsung ,menyasar kepada perempuan dan  7 diantaranya diterbitkan di tingkat nasional. Sementara itu kasus kekerasan terhadap perempuan semakin hari semakin meningkat, SPEKHAM Solo mencatat pada tahun 2010 ada peningkatan kasus KDRT sebesar 6,25% dibandingkan tahun 2009. Pemantauan Komnas Perempuan sejak tahun 1998 hingga 2010 menunjukkan hampir sepertiga kasus kekerasan terhadap perempuan adalah kasus kekerasan seksual, atau ada 91.311 kasus kekerasan seksual dari 295.836 total kasus kekerasan terhadap perempuan.

Gue lebih serem lagi ngeliat kenyataan disekitar lingkungan gue. Banyak banget kelompok muda perkotaan yang katanya terpelajar tapi pemikirannya tentang ‘peran perempuan’ masih terpaku hanya pada peran domestic/rumah tangga. Mereka percaya banget bahwa tugas perempuan adalah merawat keluarga, menjaga dan mendidik anak…. Makanya pada berenti kerja abis nikah, beranak terus jadi mahluk domestic padahal kalau dilihat potensinya sangat besar. Gue nggak ngerendahin bahwa tuga perempuan itu mulia. Sebagai single mum, gue tau banget gimana beratnya ngurus anak, maintain rumah dan terus menjalani karir gue dan mencoba berkontribusi bagi masyarakat banyak, bangsa dan bumi Indonesia. BUT please para perempuan pada nyadar dongggg….. mengurus keluarga itu bukan ‘hanya’ tugas perempuan, ngurus anak bukan ‘hanya’ tugas perempuan, pekerjaan rumah tangga bukan ‘hanya’ kerjaan perempuan…. Gimana siyyy, kawinnya kan bedua, laki-bini, masa giliran ngurus-ngurus anak dan rumah jadinya kerjaan perempuan doang ??? mestinya segala sesuatu dilakuakn bedua juga dong…. giliran cari nafkah, bini disuruh bantuin, tapi giliran ngurus anak sama ngurus rumah, pada ga mau bantuin bini.

gue sama sekali nggak beranggapan bahwa peran yang satu lebih ‘mulia’ dari peran yang lain, atau perempuan lebih ‘mulia’ kalau dirumah ngurus anak daripada kalau kerja. Yang gue ga setuju adalah pembakuan peran, penghapusan ‘pilihan’ seakan-akan karena seorang manusia adalah perempuan maka dia harus dirumah mendidik anak dan berhenti bekerja karena harus mengurus suami, anak dan rumah tangga tanpa punya pilihan lain. Orang2 banyak yang bilang…gue ga maksa bini gue kok, dia yang mau sendiri…. tapi kenyataanya, didikan yang kita terima, di radio di tipi, bahkan perlakuan masyarakat kita sendiri seakan ‘mengarahkan’ para perempuan untuk ‘memilih’ menjadi mahluk domestik yang jadi pelengkap kehidupan orang lain, bukan sebagai pelaku utama kisah kehidupan dirinya.

Soooo para perempuan Indonesia, let’s empower ourselves, kejar pendidikan, kejar kemandirian, raih kesempatan. Selalu ada pilihan, dan pilihan-pilihan itu ada ditangan kita dan kitalah yang harus membuat pilihan itu, bukan orang lain…..

SELAMAT HARI KEBANGKITAN PEREMPUAN INDONESIA!!

When u say u r compromising usually it means u r giving up something or lowering ur standard on things…. Regardless whether the outcome is good or bad, you r still losing/giving up something. And most of the time, because you think that you are giving up/losing somethings, the outcome will not be perceived as ‘good enuff’. It’s human nature, we want maximum gain with the least if not zero effort. I like using ‘working on it’ more… I think when I work on something, in the end there is a gain, some sort of results or reward will follow as an outcome… Whether it is good or bad, I still get rewarded, I still gain something, usually based on how much effort that we put in it….

People say relationship is about compromising, I think this is where the mindgame begins…. When u compromise, ur subconcious is always telling you that u r losing something, it is negative. We all don’t like to lose things don’t we? So when we think that we compromise, our subconcious is labelling it as negative and once we fill our mind with negative energy it attracts negative things. But when we tell ouserlves that we are working on something, the mind is tought to think that we’ll gain something at the end of it… So it keeps being positive – gaining instead of loosing. It keeps the mind on the end prize, and since it is already perceiving it in a positive way, it will attract positive outcome.

In the end, there is much more to be gained than we’d like to lose

I fell in ♥ with you again
The first time I laid my eyes on you
Your fingers reaching out to mine, your head on my breast
The endless hours we spent together
The first steps, the first words

And I will fall in ♥ with you again
When you bloom into the best person that you can be
When you gain enough strength to fly away from me
Even when you no longer need me

I will fall in ♥ with you over and over again
Till this body is no longer able to stand up right for you to lean on
Till these hands are no longer strong enough to hold yours
Till this mouth can no longer whisper ♥ into your ears
Till this voice can no longer be heard
Till these eyes are closed for the last time
I will ♥ you till then

To my baby girl on your 6th birthday
Semoga tercapai semua cita & asa

Jakarta 181209
Untuk cinta dlm hidupku
raetissa
Aku disini untukmu

but hey….

my eyes have fine wrinkles because i’ve seen many beautiful things in this world most people havent seen
i have lines on the corners of my mouth because i have laughed through good times and bad times
i have stretch marks to show that i am a mother of a beautiful being,
whom i love more than anything in this world,
who looks up to me to support her to be the best she can be,
and who will one day have lines and wrinkles of her own

has anything change in me ?

yes definitely, now I am a better me